Some marriages end suddenly while others seem to fall apart over a long period of time. Regardless of your circumstances, if you are dealing with a separation or divorce this is probably a very difficult period in your life. If your marriage is dying you are likely feeling a multitude of intense emotions ranging from guilt, depression, sadness, withdraw, anxiety, insomnia, worry, confusion or loneliness. So why is this happening?
Coming to grips with the finality of divorce can be a healing journey. Your acceptance of the divorce will require a time to grieve the dreams and plans you had for you and your spouse and/or children. For most people, it’s a shock when a relationship breaks down. Even if your spouse mentioned divorce, and made no plans to follow through, your emotions have been put in shock mode. If you do not discuss the pending divorce, it’s most likely going to take you by surprise. Has your spouse apologized for mentioned the divorce or are you looking for hints that the marriage is still alive? Are you comfortable asking them for clarification or is the thought of knowing too overwhelming?
The problem with not knowing is that you put your life on perpetual hold. During this time it’s common to find yourself catastrophizing each scenario increasing your anxiety and decreasing your ability to focus on the day to day aspects of life, work and parenting. Another habit during this time is walking on egg shells, researching ways to heal the marriage and disabling boundaries in an effort to convince the spouse that you can change or make them happy. These are not healthy behaviors and can lead to long term problems.
If you need to speak with a coach regarding your current relationship status, click our link to JessicaGaffney.com to book a free online 15 min consultation. OR call 772-242-6335 for information.